The Left-Out Child

As a school psychologist I have observed and counseled out of sync children. They have no special friend to save them a place on the school bus or to sit by in the lunch room. Children mimic them behind their backs, and label them with cruel nicknames like, "retards" and "losers."

Distress Signals

"Children send strong signals when they have trouble making or keeping friends. Sometimes they solve problems on their own, but sometimes they become withdrawn or develop other problems," said Vicki Lanski, author of Practical Parenting Tips for the School Age Years.

How can grandparents recognize the trouble brewing in their grandchild's life? Your answers to the following four questions will help you determine how well your grandchild makes friends and fits in socially.

1. Is your grandchild teased unmercifully? Much of the teasing that goes on between peers is more or less good natured. But if teasing goes too far it becomes mean and hurtful. Your grandchild may be exposed to verbal taunts if he or she is overweight, wears a hearing aid or extra thick eye glasses, has learning problems, or lacks a sense of fashion, good grooming or personal hygiene.

2. Is she left out of clubs and cliques? Kids need friends, and it is part of their normal psychological development to form groups and clubs, experts say. Potential members of clubs and cliques are accepted or rejected at the whim of the kids in power. The left out, rejected child is likely to be picked on by the "in" crowd. Watch for complaints that "nobody likes me" or "no one will play with me."

3. Do bullies pick on him? School psychologists estimate that up to 20 percent of school age kids fall victim to bullies. Bullies use fear to control their victims. Even the girl who shouts at your granddaughter, "I'll never be friends with you again," is a bully. If she complains of threats, fights, or stolen food and money, a bully may be making her life miserable.

4. Is your grandchild depressed? Depending on what happens, your grandchild's moods can swing overnight from bliss to the blues. The heart wrenching disappointment of being thrown out of a club or chased home by a bully, can send a child tailspinning into gloom. The key thing to watch for is a drastic change in behavior. If in doubt check with your pastor, family physician, child psychologist or psychiatrist.

What Grandparents Can Do

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