How to Keep Your Grandchild Safe and Happy Online
"The Internet isn't a sleek, modern info-highway. Highways have rules of the road, and cops to enforce them. . . . The Internet is a place: Dodge City before the marshal came to town. Six-shooters are firing, honky-tonk's playing in the saloon and Miss Kitty's girls are entertaining upstairs," says Joanne Jacobs, San Jose Mercury News columnist.
It's a land of "make believe." A place where true identities are sometimes hidden and choosing a false identity elevates the sense of adventure. "If I change my screen name to one that sounds like it might be a girl," said a high school freshman, "I immediately get a lot of guys sending me private messages."
Unsuspecting parents may believe their child is in her room, or visiting a friend or researching a homework assignment on the Web when in reality she is exploring Internet sites and visiting chat rooms that promote bigotry, non-Christian religions, violence, bizarre sex, drugs and alcohol.
If this happens in your family, you may be tempted to eliminate the problem by throwing out the family computer. But, "Our focus should not only be to block that which is inappropriate," said national PTA President Lois Jean White in a speech at the White House, "but to highlight those Internet sites that are educational and beneficial."
Short of trashing the family PC or moving to another century,how can grandparents protect their children from the chat rooms and other Web sites? Here's a four-step plan to help you shield your grandchild from Web trash and focus on the best Internet sites for kids.
1. Use "I" Messages to Communicate Your Feelings. Twenty plus years as a school psychologist and family counselor have taught me that children have a knack for finding loopholes in family rules. Rules governing visits to the Internet's private chat rooms, the false identities kids assume, and the private messages they send and receive are potentially explosive issues. When angry confrontations erupt, don't resort to ridicule and sarcasm.
A better way to communicate your feelings is through "I" messages as opposed to "You" messages. "I" messages explain how you feel about your grandchild's behavior. "You" messages berate, accuse and tear down a child's self-esteem.
Communicating your feelings rather than berating or accusing your grandchild is good advice, but it's not always easy to follow. How would you react to this true-to-life scenario? A 12-year-old-child told his mother he was researching the history of the Netherlands on the Internet. Instead he used his parent's Visa card to view live sex from Amsterdam.
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