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School Phobia: Nothing to Take Lightly

© Wesley Sharpe

What's happening when your grandchild refuses to go to school? School is exciting and most children hate to miss it. But for some children the magic of school is over and their joy and creativity are replaced by an uncontrollable fear of school.

In my 20-plus years as a school psychologist, I have seen two types of kids who are most vulnerable to school phobia. The first group of kids wrestle with their fear of impending tragedy. These kids feel extreme distress or separation anxiety when away from the family, and devise a host of excuses to get out of attending school.

The second group of kids who are prone to school phobia are the shy, unpopular children; the outcasts. They are the ones who don't fit in with their peers.

Warning Signals

Children who fear school send warning signals that are hard to ignore. Mysterious illnesses that surfaced as excuses to escape school in the lower grades resurface in middle school, resulting in tardiness, cut classes, and unfinished homework assignments. Often a child's normal living patterns, including eating, sleeping, and school success, are disrupted. For instance:

* Ron leaves his reading class at least twice a week, complaining of an upset stomach. The family doctor has found nothing medically wrong with him.

* Tina believes that someone in her family might die while she is at school. To relieve her anxiety she refuses to budge from the house.

* Billy is afraid that a horrible accident will snatch his parents away from him. He carries a battered note in his pocket from his mom reassuring him that nothing will happen to them.

* Pam's erratic class attendance began during her second week in high school. She is frightened by her classes and worried about her grades. She can't sleep.

Finding the Answer

If caught in time, the fears of children can be reversed before they develop into full-fledged phobias. But what if your child's fear of school seems uncontrollable? To help you understand why your grandchild detests school ask yourself these questions:

1. Do I have a clear idea of the problem? If not, ask your grandchild's teacher if she has a clue to the cause.

2. Why does my grandchild hate school? Is the fear related to a problem with one or two classmates or a larger group of peers? Does she having learning problems?

3. How does she express her feelings about school? The symptoms she shows may be all you have to go by. Listen to your grandchild's side of the story, and don't suggest that your child is lying.

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