Strategies For Better Behavior

Grandparents who parent must face disciplining their grandchildren. Without discipline even simple, every-day-tasks may lead to nasty confrontations. The following story is adapted from an example by behavioral psychologists John and Helen Krumboltz.

When Jeanine was told to clean her room, she half-heartedly picked up dirty clothes and ran the vacuum until she convinced her grandmother that she was hard at work cleaning and straightening. After grandma left convinced that her granddaughter would clean her messy room, Jeanine stopped working and turned on her stereo.

Later she would come out smiling with some ingeniously constructed junk sculpture, some witty little poem or drawing. Rather than question her about her dirty room, her grandmother felt compelled to admire and exclaim over her creative production.

Jeanine's grandmother was impressed by her granddaughter's creativity, but she also was furious because she ended up cleaning the room for her. After all, grandma didn't want to squelch her granddaughter' creativity.

Disciplining children isn't fun. But there are methods you can use to make discipline more platable. The following methods will give your grandchild a clear idea of the rewards and consequences of her behavior.

A. The "When--Then" Behavior Contract

This behavior contract is used to reward the child for successfully completing a goal using the "When--Then" principle. An example of a "When--Then" statement is, "When you finish setting the table, then you have 10 minutes of free time."

Contracts are signed by the grandparent and the child. The contract clearly states the reward for successful completion, or the consequences if the contract is not completed successfully. If the child complains or resist, your job is to hold the line.

Here is a sample behavior contract.

1. Problem: Nancy argues about her homework.

2. Required behavior: WHEN Nancy completes her homework without arguing, Then she will receive (state the reward).

3. If she continues to argue, THEN she will lose (name the privilege).

4. Date and signatures: (Child), (Grandparent)

B. The Plus, Minus, Interesting (PMI) Problem Solver

The PMI is a problem solving method developed by Edward De Bono. It helps children see that the obvious answer isn't necessarily the best one. It is a simple technique that results in a torrent of ideas.

1. Divide a sheet of paper into three columns.

2. In one column list all the positive or "plus" views of the idea. In the second column list anything that is negative or "minus" about the idea, and in the third column list the "interesting" aspects of the idea.

3. Talk over the plus, minus, and interesting parts of each PMI idea. Choose the best solution.

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