Your ADHD Grandchild: Rewards That Work

When I worked as a school psychologist, we held weekly meetings to discuss the children who weren't successful in school. Many were children with ADHD. In a nutshell, these children weren't interested in anything their parents or teachers suggested.

Often the parents said something like, "He (she) is driving me crazy. I've tried everything and nothing works."

I think the answer to "Nothing works" is that the child isn't getting the rewards that work. ADHD children want something they can touch, feel, and spend. For many of these kids the accepted methods of discipline don't work.

I believe that many grandparents use rewards that have no value to their grandchildren. If so, they may feel like their grandchild is driving them crazy.

Let's assume that your grandchild is one who doesn't seem to care about rewards. If this is the case, there are some basic facts and rules about rewards that you need to know.

Rule 1: Give positive recognition immediately. Pay attention to your grandchild's accomplishments and show your approval. Be alert to your grandchild's successes, and have something good to say about what she has achieved. For example:

A child made her lunch without being asked and without arguing that it wasn't her job.

Grandma: Good job, Judy. You made a healthy lunch today.

Child: Oh, thanks, Grandma. I'll make my lunch tomorrow, too.

Rule 2: Don't hold off on giving positive recognition. Saving up on positive responses only causes the child's progress to slow down. A grandparent-grandchild dialogue without a positive reward might go something like this:

Child: See, Grandma, I've finished my drawing.

Grandma: That's nice, I'll look at it later when I'm not busy.

Child: (To himself): Forget it. It stinks anyway.

Two things happen when you delay rewards even for a little while. First, the behavior you want to encourage stops happening, and second, the child's progress is slowed.

Rule 3: Aim your grandchild's rewards toward what is important to her. Find out what your grandchild likes, and if you don't know, ask her. Children work energetically to earn something important to them.

Child: Granddad, when I finish my reading homework can I play my video games?

Grandfather: Video games are a waste of time. Find something better to do."

Child (To himself): Anything is better than this stupid reading.

Rule 4: Don't overlook a good accomplishment and don't reward behavior you don't want. The principle of this rule is consistency. Good things aren't going o happen if you stick to the agreement one day and forget about it for the next two days. "If we want consistently good performance from the child, our behavior must also be consistent," says psychologist Ron Carter, Ph.D.

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