When the Grandkids Move-in

In order to save money, my son and his wife stopped paying their condo rent. They packed their belongings in boxes and suitcases, loaded their two youngsters into their old tan Toyota, and moved in with us. Overnight we joined the growing ranks of parents whose grown children move home and bring their families.

The population explosion in our home revamped our lives. Simple pleasures such as quiet evening meals, leisurely breadfasts, and long conversations over coffee ended. Our home overflowed with big and little people. We bumped into one another, tripped on toys, and stepped over kids watching an endless stream of TV. Instead of easing up and enjoying life, we took on a greater role in the lives of our grandchildren.

Obstacles aside, we were happy in our home crammed with adults and grandchildren. but for many grandparents that isn't the case. Experts say that grandchildren move in with their grandparents because something bad has happened in their family. These children arrive at their grandparents' doorstep confused, angry, afraid and sometimes out of control.

And the grandparents, who cancel their retirement plans to diaper, feed, clothe and discipline their grandson or granddaughter have emotional issues, too. Here is a summary of the emotions you may experience as a grandparent raising grandchildren.

Anger

Grandparents who see their golden years ripped away by new parenting responsibilities often respond in anger followed by depression. Depression follows anger when there is no way out except to abandon personal plans in order to raise their grandchildren.

Fear of Separation

The love grandparents feel for their grandchildren is pure and precious, and the fear of separation is heart breaking. To lose custody or guardianship of neglected, abused or abandoned grandchildren is a bad dream come true. Experts say that it is difficult for grandparents to gain unchallenged permanent legal custody of their grandchildren.

Fear of Growing Old

The dream of a comfortable and relaxed retirement vanishes with the prospect of parenting grandchildren. And as responsibilities compound, grandparents' anxiety increases over the thought of inadequate health care, long term hospitalization and life threatening diseases.

Fear of Being Poor

For grandparents who are already squeezed financially, the care of grandchildren increases the pinch. Valid questions are, What happens if we run out of money? Will I still be able to care for my grandchildren? Will I be a burden to my children?

Guilt

In order to provide a safe and loving home for their grandchildren, some grandparents must emotionally abandon their own abusive or drug-addicted children. They are ashamed and guilty because their own child may have failed as parents, and often berate themselves for being bad parents (U.S. News and World Report, December 16, 1991).

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