The Grandparent Connection

When Bertha and Robert Taylor's daughter was raped and murdered, their son-in-law asked them to take care of baby Evetta. "Our lives completely changed," says Bertha.

"We got her on Saturday, and I thought, what am I going to do? I've got to go to work on Monday. I didn't even have time to go to the bathroom. Your freedom is gone, your privacy is gone, and you're used to having it."

Lingering dinners with close friends were replaced by baby schedules and marriage stress. But Evetta thrived, and her grandparents know she is an unforseen bonus. (U.S. News & World Report, December 16, 1991)

What to expect A few years without kids and it is easy to forget how a lively child or two disrupts a home. Simple pleasures like quiet evening meals, leisurely breakfasts, and long conversations over coffee end.

Recycled grandparents' homes overflow with big and little people. They trip on toys and step over kids watching an endless stream of TV. Mealtime chats are interrupted by cries like, "I don't like this food, yuk." Followed by grandkids gagging on broccoli or salad.

Getting used to noisy play isn't easy either. And when squirming, giggling wrestlers carom off the furniture or there is a serious breach of rules, a workable discipline policy is required. A policy that is defined before a crisis not during one. To make the transition to granpa and grandma's home relatively easy, here are a few suggestions.

Expect less privacy. Privacy becomes a daily problem. Make "knock before entering" a hard and fast rule.

Expect surprises. Sit down with each child and discuss the food, clothes, books and games he or she likes. Plan the mealtime menus together.

Expect to discipline. Define your rules and stick by them. Children are happier when they know what to expect, and they appreciate the structure rules provide.

I know that grandparenting includes negatives like changing messy diapers and coping with temper tantrums. On the positive side, nothing beats the sound of a grandchild's laughter, sharing a favorite Bible story or cuddling a tired child. These are God's gifts and I am thankful for them.

The monthly articles that follow will identify and offer solutions to a range of problems (financial, legal, medical, emotional and more) faced by grandparents who parent their grandchidren. Join me for the next article.

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