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Hamming It Up in Chillingham

© Janice Oberding

Tis the season for ghost specials. And in keeping with the Halloween spirit, several ghost specials have been shown on television recently. Some of these have been very interesting and a few have been downright silly. The Chillingham Castle is, in my humble ghost hunting opinion, one of the silliest.

An average family has won the right to spend the night in a haunted castle. Sounds intriguing. At dusk they are driven to the gates of Chillingham Castle where a writer, cum gatekeeper, meets them and tells them of the terrible deeds done behind the gates. Aye. And there's still lots of evil spirits awaiting the unsuspecting. So what does the average family do? Each member suits up, complete with harness mini-cam, the better to catch each reaction. Nothing personal to the family, but hey, I'd rather be on the look-out for spirit activity than watching close-ups of your terrified faces. I must be alone in this.

Once they are suited up, the family is locked behind the gates and the gate keeper directs them to walk down a mile long tree lined, road, upon which, despicable acts of cruelty were committed some three hundred years ago. With a stern warning that no one leaves Chillingham Castle laughing, he leaves them to their night of horror.

This is for yuks. The group is only halfway up the road and already getting squeamish. Ghost hunters, they aint!

Inside the castle, the group is confronted by old gatekeeper/writer once more. This time he appears on the television monitor and instructs them in some mumbo-jumbo incantation to "open the portals to the other side". Wait a minute. I thought this was a truly haunted castle. If there are already spirits in residence why is it necessary to open the portals and bring in more?

Without question, the family obeys and proceeds to separate rooms in the castle. Each member then goes about mumbling the incantation dabbling chicken blood about. Oh, I forgot to tell you that gatekeeper/writer has graciously left chicken blood for just this purpose. Thoughtful chap, isn't he?

By the time they start tripping over each other, and screaming at the slightest provocation, I am hoping the night passes quickly and they don't encounter a ghost. As for me, my patience is as thin as a runway model's thighs and I'm switching the channel. Have a spirited, safe and happy, Halloween.

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