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In Love, Engaged, Married....Part 2
Last time, in the article Celebrating St. Valentine's Day In Germany, we examined some of the more interesting things Germans do on Valentine's Day to impress their loved ones, and to ensure that the special someone knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, just how special s/he is. Now that we know what Germans in love will do, let us talk about the next step of the love relationship...the engagement. Do German men, just like their American counterparts, shell out about three months' worth of hard-earned salary to buy a ring for their beloved? Do friends and family throw bridal showers to help supply the couple with as much of needed household items as possible? Do scantily clad "ladies of the night" jump out of cakes at the bachelor's party?
Parental Blessing
We often observe that young men will ask their girlfriend to marry them at the end of a beautiful meal. Traditional German men will instead discuss marriage with their beloved, and, once assured of a favorable response, set up an official "appointment" with her family. Usually the father will be addressed and formally asked for his permission and blessing of the union. When such is received, the young man will go down on his knees in front of his beloved and ask her for her hand in marriage. In a time of shifting family structures, this beautiful tradition threatens to go by the wayside, but in the more rural areas of Germany it is still very much the norm.
Rarely practiced, yet still sometimes seen amongst very traditional families, is the custom of the Freiersmänner. The young man will enlist the help of two of his friends to become his "agents" and join him for the official appointment with the lady's family. Instead of the man's asking the father for his permission and blessing, it will be his agents who will broach the subject.
It's Official
Once the engagement is official, it is quite often published in the local newspaper.
Engagement Rings
Diamonds may be a girl's best friend in the States, but a traditional Germans couple will prefer to exchange simple gold rings on the day of their engagement. These rings will be worn on their left hands until the day of the wedding. During the marriage ceremony, they are moved from the left to the right, and become the actual wedding bands (Trauringe). Yes, you read correctly, in Germany the wedding ring is worn on the right hand!
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