Bittersweet: The Search for the Authentic Self, Part II
Last summer, I saw “The Hurdy Gurdy Man” at the Powerhouse Theatre at Vassar College. The set was simple but utterly amazing. It only hinted at what it was supposed to portray. Without devices or gimmicks, the actors made the story feel real. They invited the audience in with them as they transcended reality. In contrast to Hollywood where the technology is real but the acting isn’t always, the technology of the set did not make the living room a real living room nor the bar a real bar. The actors created the scene with their presence, with their intentionality. The story felt real because the actors took the emotional risk to “be” themselves -- to use their complex feelings as foundations for the characters they portrayed. The acting was so powerful that it took me over an hour to get out of the trance of the story.
It’s no surprise that physical risk, technological gimmicks and guns dominate our entertainment industry. They reflect the values and behaviors prescribed to men in our culture. And of course the risk that is downplayed, emotional risk, corresponds to the values and behaviors prescribed to women in our culture. Ironically it’s a lot more risky to bear an emotion than it is a gun. The competitive drive that marks a male-dominated society drives the need to wear masks in order to hide the authentic self. Since few people want to change the system itself, most of us have learned to value the side effects. We have learned to value the masks. And yet it’s this very process that’s dehumanizing to all of us.
In this dehumanized world, many people try to turn into robots. But feelings don’t go away just because society demands numbness, so many people attempt to drown unacceptable feelings out. Some people drink, eat, starve themselves, or take illicit or prescribed drugs. Others subvert their feelings by screaming at football games or other sporting events or singing and calling out in more charismatic oriented religious services. Many people do both. People get as stuck in the pattern of their lives as a needle of a record player in the grove of a scratch.
The only way to stop a record’s skipping is to pick up the needle. The only way to get out of the vicious pattern of your life is to reengage with yourself and acknowledge your feelings. (And you do have
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