“That’s so gay!” According to Kevin Jennings, the founder and executive director of the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network, “That’s so gay!” is one of the most frequently heard insults among second-graders, second only to “That’s so stupid!” Second graders are not the only ones to use this insult. These words are not said as a compliment. Gay, in this context, is not a positive. It does not refer to something happy or good. It refers to something bad, uncool, socially unacceptable or simply not ok. More significantly, this expression is a condemnation of a particular group of people in our society who defy the societal norms of loving and being.
Why should we care? It sounds so innocuous. It’s not like calling someone a “faggot, ” “cocksucker,” “bulldagger,” “dyke” or “queer” -- or is it? And even if it is derogatory to homosexual and bisexual people, why should this be a “women’s issue?” I’ll tell you why. Condemnation of homosexuality is an expression of homophobia – the fear or hatred of homosexuals. “That’s so gay!” is an expression of homophobia. Still, you may ask, “Why should I care?” Here’s why. Homophobia is rooted in misogyny – the fear and hatred of females. Think about it. When coaches call their male charges “girls” or “ladies,” they are insulting them for being “like girls” or “like women.” For little boys, that’s the worse thing they can be. When boys on the playground say, “You throw like a girl!” they are insulting the person for being effeminate. When people obsess about “faggots” they are obsessed about men that they perceive to be like women. And let’s be real. Society is much more obsessed (with angry, hateful thoughts) about two men kissing, fondling, or otherwise behaving sexually with each other, than they are about two women doing the same thing. At the same time, the terms, “dyke,” “bulldagger,” and “queer,” are still used to keep women in their place because they indicate that such persons are even “lower” than women in society. It is a label used to indicate that the female in question is even more despicable than a “girl” or a “lady.”
So when we hear our children, or other people’s children, say, “That’s so gay!” and do nothing about it, we are tacitly letting them know that not only is it ok to hate people because they are different, but that it is ok to hate women.
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