The Marlboro Man and Other Myths

I used to worship the Marlboro Man... that gorgeous, strong, silent, manly cowboy from the cigarette adds. In my fantasies, I felt safe around him because I knew that he would protect me from anyone who even thought about hurting me. He didn’t take shit from anyone. He was the masculine ideal of my Texas childhood.

In college I dated one version of the Marlboro man after another. I was looking for Mr. Right -- who would save me from the demons that haunted my soul as well as the evil predators that stalked the night. Unfortunately, I based my search criteria on a myth. I trusted the stereotypes that told me that only strangers posed a threat. I turned my nose up at “nice guys” -- the guys that weren’t angry, weren’t interested in being dominant and in control, or that showed any sign of sensitivity or vulnerability. In my quest for Mr. Right I dated one abusive and/or controlling man after another. One man I dated I later found out had raped his previous 2 or 3 girlfriends. His attempts to “seduce” me by getting me drunk were foiled because I have a low tolerance for alcohol and literally puked on him. Another man had me almost convinced that I was stupid within 2 months. Fortunately, I had persistent friends that saw what was happening and helped to free me from his brainwashing. The last Marlboro man incarnation I dated raped me. It took me several years to acknowledge that what happened between us was rape. One day it finally sank in that his refusal to accept and respect my “No!” was not acceptable behavior, even though our culture suggests otherwise. It took me a few years after dating the last Marlboro man to really get the picture…. that by focusing my attention on men who met society’s standard of masculinity, I was actually reinforcing the very culture of male violence that held me and so many other women down. I didn’t see it because it was so obvious. It was what I had grown up with.

When I was in high school, there was a guy named Darryl* who didn’t quite meet the “guy” standards. He was small and sort of awkward and was therefore subject to a lot of harassment. At some point, Darryl began fighting back. Even though he always lost, he garnered respect from his peers. For guys, his willingness to fight made him a “real man,” for girls, it made him datable. The lesson to us all was that only men who solve things with their fists are acceptable.

Go To Page: 1 2

Articles in this Topic    Discussions in this Topic