Gambling on a Dream
Sadly, the dream of success has almost overwhelmed a deeper dream of mine. The essence of this dream is to create art that helps people see the world they live in differently and the physical and emotional space that empowers people to make changes in the way that they approach this world. I want to help people face their deepest fears so that they can face their deepest truths and pursue their deepest longings. I want to live a meaningful life and help others do the same. I have pursued this dream through my writing, acting, and counseling. Unfortunately, while I have gotten a good deal of positive feedback from readers, audience members and clients, the money I’ve earned is not enough to pay the bills, let alone beef up a retirement account.
As I look at my dreams, I can totally relate to the protagonist in “The Gambler.” Like him, I feel like I’m riding “a train bound for nowhere” and have run out of “aces.” I would gladly trade my last swallow of whiskey for some useful advice. And yet, I believe the mystics who tell me that I already have all the answers that I need in my heart and in my soul. Perhaps the problem isn’t the answers. Perhaps the problem is knowing what the questions are.
When I sat down to write this column, I thought the question was “Is it time to hold on to my dream of creating – of writing and acting and counseling, or is it time to “fold” -- to give up this dream? And, if I am folding, should I walk away from the table or should I run? I assumed that walking away meant selling out and trying for a job in community mental health with an impossible case load but with benefits, and that running meant finding a new occupation altogether, perhaps in corporate America. But in the process of writing, it is clear that the dream I need to give up is not the deep longing to create that may be my soul’s purpose. This is the dream that feeds my spirit and gives meaning to my days. This is the dream that I need to hold on to.
It’s clear that the dream that I need to “fold” is the dream of success that can be measured by tangible, material accomplishments. I don’t just need to walk
Latest Articles