Equal Rights, Not Special Rights, for Fundies
You think that’s kind of harsh? Nonsense. Fundies can follow their own rhetoric for queer folk and just convert. Marriage is still freely available to all non-fundy heterosexuals, so all fundies have to do is abandon their freely chosen fundy lifestyle and become upstanding Unitarians. Or Buddhists. In fact, we can allocate another 200 million dollars of federal funding to promote religious conversion, just like what's been proposed to promote marriage as a way out of poverty.** Hapless fundies can receive counseling in everything from Catholicism to Wicca to Native American spirituality, and all for free.
“You've gotta be kidding,” Joe Fundy says to me. “I can't change my religious beliefs just because the government says I can.” Sure you can, Joe. Look at the number of people who officially convert to different religions every year. It's easy: easy as changing your sexual orientation, according to ex-gay ministry claims. Oh, now Joe Fundy admits that ex-gay ministries don't really turn gay and lesbian folks into heterosexuals; they just give false hope and make their wanna-be converts miserable, and most "ex-gays" end up reverting to gayness.*** Aw, suck it up, Joe. You just haven't met the right Presbyterian yet.
We're not done yet. We still have children to protect from the evils of fundamentalism. First, we need to make it illegal for any fundies, single or in domestic partnerships, to adopt children. Second, we need to make damn sure that no fundy has any legal rights when custody battles ensue, especially if a non-fundy parent is trying to take a child from a fundy. Third, and perhaps most importantly, we need to ensure that religious deviants are no longer a threat to the greater society. Just as men who are caught soliciting sex from other men may be arrested, sentenced and added to a list of sexual predators, we should create a national religious predators list. Anyone caught attempting to solicit fundy converts, including by public preaching, handing out religious leaflets, going door to door with Bibles in hand, or simply asking someone if they have accepted Christ as their personal savior, will be arrested, fined, obligated to serve jail time and placed on a list to be distributed to the neighbors. I feel safer already. Of course, any fundy serving jail time for any reason doesn't need any "special" protection in the prison system, either. A fundy inmate will just have to hope that
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