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Equal Rights, Not Special Rights, for Fundies

© Kim A. Sanders

There's been a lot of talk about gay marriage lately, and a lot of effort on the part of our congress to do away with it. Conservatives have gone as far as to propose a Constitutional amendment (defeated recently in the Senate) to forever restrict the rights of part of the population, and another bill passed by the House that would supposedly make a federal ban on gay marriages unchallengeable by the courts. A loud but powerful minority of far-right Christian fundamentalists insists that items like the right to marry and protection from job discrimination and hate crimes constitute "special rights" for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered folks. "Equal rights!" they scream, "Not special rights!"

Well, if equal rights are what we're really after, and "special" rights give unfair advantage to a group of people, then maybe these foamers at the mouth with the bullhorns have a point. Perhaps we can come up with a compromise: us queer folk will give up our claim to "special" rights, as long as the far-right fundy Christians also agree to relinquish their "special" rights.

Let's start by getting rid of those useless inclusions of religion and creed in anti-discrimination laws. Why should employers have to tolerate religious zealots if they don't have to put up with queer folks? Your atheist boss catches you wearing a cross pendant to work and doesn't like it? Guess you're back to pounding the pavement. So what? If you really want the job, just stay in the closet about your religious beliefs. Keep your Bible at home, don't talk about church or your social life, and for god's sake don't let it get out that you teach vacation Bible school. As long as you don't tell and don't give anyone reason to ask, you can even have a successful military career. Just don't get caught praying in the bunkers.

Now we can't have an eye for an eye without taking the golden cow of special rights, marriage, from the fundies. From now on, their marriage certificates are no longer valid. (Smile! You’re living in sin!) Even if some radically conservative state like Montana decides to legalize fundy marriages, we'll make sure that those marriages won't be recognized across state lines. In fact, let's push a Constitutional amendment to make sure they can never be validated, period. Okay, some bleeding heart conservative states might offer some domestic partner benefits, but medical benefits can only be funded through Christian organizations, administered by Christian clinics, and are fully taxable. Yes, you heard me, fully taxable. With religious organizations like Pat Robertson's former Christian Coalition (“born again” as the Christian Coalition of America to avoid tax penalties) fronting political candidates* and with publicly funded school vouchers for religious schools, it's not like separation of church and state is an issue in this country anymore.

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