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Stranger In A Strange Land Part 1

© Claudia McCreary

For the last 15 years I have been totally out. Everywhere! I decided that the greatest thing I could do to fight homophobia was to allow my face and person to become real. It is easy to hate and fear a faceless, nameless hoard. But when you actually knew one of “them,” they become one of you! When you know a gay person it is far harder to hate gay people!

Plus it had its advantages. No more hiding. No more fear of exposure. Just being myself. And luckily, outside of loosing a job I really adored. I didn’t suffer much for the cause! One neighbor in a fit of anger called me a Dyke and I found great joy in responding back “What’s the matter, are you jealous?!!” My original choice to come out involved a letter to the editor in support of the reality of being a gay child of God. That cost me a little since my parents were horrified I used my own name. But they made a living at being horrified, so it was par for the course. I spent the last 15 years suffering, but not from my choice to be out!

Then my life drastically changed. I hadn’t worked during the last 9 of those 15 years. But a few months ago I faced the reality of needing a job. However, being disabled and overweight and fairly non-skilled, my prospects were slim. I was blessed to get a job in a church about 45 minutes away from my home.

What I didn’t think about was that I had to venture back in the closet in order to keep my job. I added insult to injury by moving to a church-owned housing development 10 minutes from the church. Now I had to be in that closet at home too. Quite a trick when I have a partner and am also very outspoken!

Another thing about the job and the move is that they are both in another state. The psychological whammy that hit me with was unbelievable. I felt lost, alone and totally screwed.

When we moved our brand newly built apartment had no heat. In fact we had no heat for over a week till I threatened to strangle the maintenance man! The first restaurant we ate at I absolutely hated. Our car insurance rates went up $800 dollars a year! Moving from a house to an apartment meant adjusting to noise of people on top of us! Our upstairs neighbors have a two year old who stomps and jumps on the floor constantly. Their 8 year olds bedroom is above our living room and he plays his TV louder than we do ours. In fact, you can hear his TV outside the house!

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