His feelings scared him and he was determined to overcome them. He began dating a young girl in high school and they stayed together while they both went to a local community college. Everyone expected them to marry but George wrestled with the idea. He knew he didn’t feel the way he should about her. He finally decided to ask her to marry him and she said yes. He prayed the marriage would overcome his feelings towards other men. He knew that he would fight his feelings and make the marriage work if it killed him. The truth is it almost did!
They married and were reasonably happy, on the outside. George tried to force himself to be intimate with his wife and they did have a child. But the more he tried to pretend he was what he considered “normal, the more different he felt. Soon he developed a serious depression and decided the only answer for him was to simply kill himself.
His wife knew something was wrong. She loved George but knew they didn’t have the type of relationship husbands and wives usually did! She encouraged him to get counseling hoping it would solve the problem. It did, but not in the way she had hoped.
It took several sessions for George to open up to the therapist. They discussed everything but what was really on his mind. Finally he tentatively began to tell the therapist about his desperate need to bond with another man. He began to cry as he admitted he felt that suicide was the only answer. He felt so lost and alone. Luckily, the therapist was a good one and explained to him about being gay without any condemnation. Slowly George began to accept himself as a gay male.
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