Jake loved his spouse Tom. They had been together for 41 years. In that time they had lived through stonewall and the liberating zeal that brought to the gay lifestyle. They had both served in the military and had in fact met there. They had each been boy scouts before the organization decided that they were morally unfit to be members. Tom had even achieved Eagle Scout rank and the pride that accompanied it.
Now Tom was dead. It was a sudden death. And although they had prepared as much as any of us can, how can you prepare to lose someone whom had shared everything with you.
The funeral was a quiet affair. Just a few friends and family celebrated Tom’s life. Jake needed to grieve and he knew that time would help him grow. His life was not over. He just was entering another phase of it. In reality, he may love again, although the thought was impossible to him now.
Tammy’s partner died from a heart attack. She was only 32. The phone call she received will go down in her memory as unforgettable. The worst one she ever received. Her advice to others dealing with the death of a partner is to not let anyone tell you what to feel. Each of us mourns in a different way and we each need to it our own ways. She says she thinks of he partner all the time and just takes it moment to moment. Life means hearing a song or seeing something that reminds Tammy of her partner. She is lucky that she has friends and family that take her calls day or night and listen to her. She is also lucky to be very close to her partner’s family. In the beginning she was hesitant to contact people. But she learned she needed others. As hard as that was in the beginning, the ability to yell and scream if needed was a necessary part of the grieving process.
Vicky lost her partner Martha to stomach cancer. Grieving to her means drawing on every spiritual resource she has ever used-journaling, prayer, meditation, church, nature walks, etc. She also reached out to hospice so that Martha could die with dignity. She found that having them there just to listen to her was very comforting.
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