The Single Life No More

It has been interesting watching the first season of the new Showtime channel’s Gay and Lesbian series “Queer as Folk.” As a gay person it makes me glad I am in a committed relationship and away from those barroom days of yore.

It isn’t easy to meet other gay people interested in long-term relationships. While the sleazy one-night stand stereotype is something we hate, it is also something we tend to be. This is especially true with the male gay population. After explaining that my current squeeze and I waited 5 dates to sleep together, a male friend said, “Women date and if it’s good they have sex. Men have sex and if it’s good they date!”

Bars are a big part of our lifestyle as evidenced on “Queer as Folk”. It’s probably because it is one of the few places where we can be with our own kind. Few bars are as light hearted and fun as Babylon is on the show. And many places in the US have one or no bars for miles.

And bars unfortunately are rarely full of serious people wanting a serious relationship. They are either hangouts for groups and clicks or dens of night crawlers looking for a one-night stand.

So where does someone looking for something more meet other like minded gays? Well, I met my spouse through a personal ad. Another activity that is popular in gay and straight single world. Our best friends also met through a personal ad. It’s not always easy because you never really know who that person is until you meet them and 99% of the ads you answer will go bust. But if you keep your sense of humor and your self worth strong, you can meet some pretty special people. And if they don’t turn out to be lovers they may just turn out to be friends.

Our experience was both typical and not. I answered a number of ads in the same issue. My spouse had placed numerous ads over a yearlong period. She met some neat people but had decided that she wasn’t going to meet the “One.” So my reply to her had was a last ditch effort to her. She decided the ad was her final ad. And she was the only one to answer my reply. She lived in another state and came up for the day after a few phone calls. We both laughed our heads off that day. But we both also had some real misgivings! It was rocky at first. But my spouse persevered and won me over!

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