Advances in Horticulture

  The recent breakthrough in controlling plant physiology announced by the renowned Herr Doktor Professor Otto Gründaumen holds promise for a  revolution in horticulture. No longer are we to be restricted to having to accept only rose flowers on rose bushes or holly on hollyhocks. The entire world of flora has been opened to experimentation in diverse combinations of varied species. The revelations reported in the latest issue of Wissenschaftliche Abhandlungen der neuen Forschung in den Gefäßbetrieben indicate that it is possible to infuse any plant with desirable features of any other plant "regardless of specie". 

  Herr Doktor Professor Otto Gründaumen's paper reported on his success in producing plants with characteristics never before seen.  A combination of  gene transfer and nucleus replacement  resulted in a plant whose physiology has been altered in its entirety, with individual portions containing unique and varied attributes.

  Two of the illustrations accompanying the article reveal the assorted novel arrangements possible. The Herr Doktor Professor has remarked "ist obligate plants are not; nein, mine zuerst together putting of plants obdiplostemonous und multicarpellate has shown", words that will forever be inscribed in the annals of botany.

  Here is one plant that sports a multiplicity of flowers never before seen on a single specimen. A wonder of plant and cell physiology.

  Just as marvelous is this second illustration of totally different combinations. Lysenko, eat your heart out.

  The good Herr Doktor Professor has sparked a revolution. There is no telling where it may end after one very small matter is resolved. Unfortunately, each flower emits the most strong odor of an overripe, newly opened Durian. The photographer of these specimens had to wear Scuba breathing equipment while taking the pictures. It was but a minor inconvenience for the opportunity to record this astounding accomplishment.

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