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Don't hit the snooze for this wake-up call

© Kelly L. Henderson

Last week when I found myself at Emergency hooked up to the heart machine I knew something had to change. I'd been feeling jittery for days. That's the best way I can describe it. Imagine being so nervous your hands are shaking. That's how I felt for the better part of four days.

I had a series of regular writing deadlines that couldn't be missed. And I was preparing for a piano evaluation. Every time I sat down at my computer to write I'd start to feel really nervous almost like I was going to faint. Same thing with the piano. I'd just get started practicing and my hands would start to shake. So I couldn't work and I couldn't practice.

I became hyperaware of my heartbeat. I imagined it was beating too fast. With a family history of heart disease I even wondered if I was having a heart attack. Oddly enough I was able to sleep at night all right but within a half an hour or so of waking I'd have the jitters again.

By the middle of the week I worried that the constant state of anxiety I was in was doing something nasty to my blood pressure, that I might even have a stroke. You can imagine some terrible things. So when Wednesday came and I still couldn't work despite having a deadline later in the day I decided it was time to take action. Believe me when I say I am not one for going to the doctor unless I absolutely have to so this was quite a concession for me.

Anyway soon after I was hooked up to the heart machine in the ER. After spending a couple of hours there it was determined I had not had a heart attack, the heart readouts were perfectly fine, and blood pressure was in the normal range. The doctor gave me his diagnosis: anxiety, and he recommended I make an appointment at the hospital clinic for further tests. "I see three or four patients with your complaints every day," he said. This was comforting because believe me when I left there I felt just a little sheepish.

But the brain is such an amazing, powerful thing. Once I knew I wasn't going to die my anxiety level started to subside. I was able to go home, work all afternoon, and get my assignment in by the evening deadline. Over the next few days the anxiety continued to subside little by little. I stopped drinking coffee and tea. I started thinking about all the things in my life that could be causing such a build-up of anxiety. They are legion. This is surprising considering I am mostly doing what I want to do these days. But I guess there is always room for improvement. So I am endeavouring now to make the necessary changes.

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