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Fractured Canterbury Tales

© Virginia Marin

In Chaucer's Canterbury Tales, a group of pilgrims were on their way to Canterbury to pay their respects at the shrine of StThomas a Becket. Along the way, perhaps for entertainment and to make the journey seem shorter, each of the pilgrims had agreed to tell one tale each. The reward for the best story was a repast at journey's end.
Below are six fractured Canterbury Tales that, of course, did not originate with Chaucer! After reading, please take a minute to return to my welcome page and poll for the character, or tale, you liked the best. But, now let us listen in as this dysfunctional group begins their trek...

Cricket, throwing his haversack over his shoulder, turns to Bertie and says, "Where did you get that hat? Isn't it a nobby one, and just the proper style!"

Now Bertie, not one to be outdone on such a fair morning replied, "And you, my friend, are only fit to wear a steeple-crowned hat, and that be when you are decorated with such headgear and burnt as a heretic!"

"And you my disagreeable plebian," continued Cricket, "are talking through your hat! You are talking nonsense. What you say is rubbish. It is plain to see that you know not of that which you say!"

Meriweather, enjoying this exchange, contributed thereto: "Hah! Come, come, you two. I doff my cockle hat to the both of thee, and don then to cover my head with a knitted cap, then a high silk skull-cap, then a metal turban, and over all a huge flaunting bonnet! Then it can be I who will be jeered at, and pelted by the boys because of my unusual attire. What think ye of that?"

"Hah! Hmmm." The travelers knit their brows in thought. "But, let us be on our way and entertain the all of us with motile tales of enjoyment."

"By the Saints, that is well spoken. I will go the first," said Cricket.

Cricket: Crispin and Crispian were brothers who went to Rome to spread the Christian religion. The first became a shoe and the latter became a saint. Oh, yes, they made shoes to support themselves. Umm.

Bertie: I can top that, my friend! The Greek tragic actors were known to wear thick-soled boots to give them height. The tale is told that when Bushkin attempted to remove his platforms they had grown into his feet! What a tragedy. Ha! Ha!

Meriweather: My tale is a burning one to be sure, my friends! Ha! Ha! Ha! In the 10th century the Archbishop of Mainz, who was a noted statesman and counsellor, was not without notice of his cruelty to the poor. The legend goes that he once called all of the poor together and led them into a barn, where he immediately locked them inside and set the barn afire. As the barn burned, he compared the helpless souls to filthy rats. The prince of rats, hearing of this injustice, sent his army of rats against the archbishop, who had bolted himself in a tower against an ensuing outbreak of the plague - the

The copyright of the article Fractured Canterbury Tales in Folklore is owned by Larry Low. Permission to republish Fractured Canterbury Tales in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.