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American moms in general are stressed out enough as it is with their busy schedules. However, I have a theory that Filipino American moms are in a state of higher stress level. From the food on the table right down to toiletries supply, you are the one in charge of making sure there is never any shortage. You make sure the bills are paid on time. You set the doctors' appointments. You are the doctor and nurse when someone is sick. Whether you are a stay-at-home mom or working mom, you can add to your list of duties, garbage collector, laundry woman, housekeeper, manager and secretary, and sometimes even auto mechanic. In addition, you have this idealized mother as the "Ilaw ng Tahanan" (light of the home) to aspire to.
The ideal mother Filipino moms attempt to embody is perfection herself. She is efficient, very organized, sweet-tempered, and loving. She cooks delicious meals and keeps the house clean. For those who try to be a shade of this Perfect Mother, the heads spin faster than those coin-operated washing machines at the corner Laundromat in futile attempt. For those who rebel and refuse to even as much as pick up a spatula to fry an egg, the declaration of being a Modern Mom is belied by a tremendous amount of guilt felt deep inside. In the back of your mind you are sure you have some serious handicap because you can't cook or can't keep the house clean. There are some good news and some bad news. First, the bad news: the Ilaw ng Tahanan is good model of motherhood to aspire to. Consciously or subconsciously, our mothers and grandmothers have been trying to copy the Ideal Wife in Proverb 30, and in turn have passed it down to us. The good news? We don't have to kill ourselves trying to be the Ideal Wife. There are ways to survive even the most stressful and demanding job in the world: the double occupation of being a wife and mother. Rule #1: Go Easy on Yourself. Don't believe for one minute that you are incompetent and inadequate if dinner is not done by 6 pm, or a mountain of laundry has suddenly grown by a corner on your bedroom floor. It is not true either that there is something very wrong with you if you find yourself wearing two different pair of socks, granted that one is black , and the other is dark navy blue that can pass for black. What is true is that you are imperfect and to some degree you may be losing your mind . And that's perfectly all right.
The copyright of the article Survival Guide for Busy Fil Am Moms in Filipino-American Culture is owned by Johanna Francisco. Permission to republish Survival Guide for Busy Fil Am Moms in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
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