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What About Sex? - Page 3

© Cynthia Webber (Jausten)

Dealing with the feelings of our body image cannot be ignored. Although most of us may still look the same to our significant others, we may not see ourselves as we used to be. Some people with fibromyalgia are able to maintain their weight, even though they may be on medications which can alter it. Others can continue to exercise without creating greater pain or fatigue. But there are some of us who can no longer do the exercises that we used to do, and others who may have gained or lost weight due to the necessary medications which are needed to keep symptoms at a minimum. If our bodies are viewed by ourselves as being fat or flabby, we may feel embarrassed about being seen or touched, even by a long-term significant other. Being teased about weight changes or lack of muscle tone in everyday interactions can cause us to feel uncomfortable during sexual intimacy. Communication of how we see ourselves and how we feel about the changes in our bodies is extremely important. Plus, we must not let our significant other make light of our feelings. Our feelings are our own, and what we see in our mirrors is how we see ourselves, and whether we are seeing an accurate reflection of ourselves or not, isn't the issue. Being told that we are beautiful, have soft skin, nice legs, or any other positive comments may not be believed by us if that is not what we see. Letting our significant other know that we don't see the positives at this time is helpful in finding something positive to see about ourselves, but we are the ones who have to find the positives.

Discussing sex in an open and honest manner is difficult to do on the Internet through newsgroups, message boards, or even in chat rooms. Humor is used a lot to cover-up our feelings, because it is viewed as a very private subject. However, there are many people with fibromyalgia who need to hear from others on how to maintain their sexuality and sexual relationship, and have questions answered openly and honestly. Trusting online friends with such a personal side of ourselves is difficult, but finding a close friend whom we feel comfortable sharing with is very helpful. They may have suggestions which we've never thought of before, or provide information which we haven't found online or in books - for example, experimenting with different positions for comfort, or what to do to when a sudden leg cramp totally distracts us from our partner. Sure, we can laugh about sex and the difficulties that those of us with fibromyalgia may have, but laughing with a significant other is more important. It can break the barrier of silence and fear that we may have, even with a long-term partner.

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