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What About Sex?

© Cynthia Webber (Jausten)

Having fibromyalgia does not mean that we are no longer sexual beings. Sexuality is more than just sexual intercourse. We are created as spiritual, emotional, and physical beings. Our sexuality is how we see ourselves in relationship to the opposite sex, and also how we perceive our own bodies. It is also how we see others as they walk, talk, and carry themselves.

For example, I have always found Robert Redford to be very sexy and I have always enjoyed watching him in movies. Some people carry themselves in such a way that they are viewed as sexy when in reality they are sensual, or they have something about them that is considered charismatic. Some people have become comfortable with themselves and the way that they look, and this is what others may see and consider sexy. Not everyone will see the same people as sexual or sensual. Not every woman sees Robert Redford as I do, nor does every man see Sharon Stone in the same manner.

How we perceived ourselves before being diagnosed with fibromyalgia may be different than how we see ourselves now. For example, certain medications may cause us to either gain or lose weight. Also, if we were in good physical condition prior to our diagnosis, we may have lost muscle mass due to our inability to continue with aerobic exercise or weight lifting. This loss of muscle mass or change in weight may cause our self-image to change, and we may see ourselves as unattractive.

Whether we are male or female, married or single, our own perception of ourselves is very important for our self-esteem in relationship to sex. Feeling that we are undesirable due to some physical changes can affect not only ourselves, but also our relationship with a significant other. Fatigue and pain also play a major part in our sexuality, and medications which aid in our sleep patterns can affect our desire for intimacy.

Having fibromyalgia means that we have tender points which hurt when pressed lightly. In order to have a true diagnosis of fibromyalgia, one must have 11 out of 18 tender points in all four quadrants of their body. Some of us have more than 18 tender points, and may even have days when our pain levels are so high that it feels like every area of our bodies is screaming out in pain. We may not want to be touched, and if we are unable to communicate this to a significant other, not only will our sexual relationship suffer, but our everyday relationship together will also suffer.

The copyright of the article What About Sex? in Fibromyalgia is owned by Cynthia Webber. Permission to republish What About Sex? in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.