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Father's Day and The Expectations of Others

© Cynthia Webber (Jausten)

Father's Day has become a day in which to honour our fathers for all that they have done for us through the years of our lives. Father's Day can be a day of great stress for those of us with fibromyalgia as we try to please our own fathers by either taking them out to dinner, fixing a meal, or even just sending a card or gift so that they receive it before Father's Day.

Statistics show that approximately 75 percent of those with fibromyalgia are women, and thus, 25 percent are men. As Joy's Men Zone points out, physicians are seeing more men with fibromyalgia. This may be because it was first labelled as a woman's condition, or men feel that they shouldn't visit a doctor for aches and pains. Whatever the reason, men do develop FMS and dealing with Father's Day can be very difficult for them.

Those men who are not only fathers, but also have fathers whom they wish to honour can find it difficult to deal with the expectations of others when they are trying to cope with the pain and fatigue of a fibromyalgia flare. A man who has fibromyalgia, whether he is a father or not, can be stressed as he struggles to make it a special day for his father or just enjoy the company of his own children, or other relatives.

The same is true for women who have fibromyalgia. We want to make this a special day for our fathers, husbands, or any other male figures who have fathered us throughout the years. However, if those of us with fibromyalgia are dealing with an unexpected flare, we may not be up to doing all that is expected of us, either by others or ourselves.

On Father's Day last year, I was dealing with my daughter's graduation from high school, my youngest son's graduation from elementary school, a visit from a special online friend, my husband's birthday, a music recital, and the arrival of my parents from California. Not all of this occurred directly on Father's Day, but the entire week surrounding Father's Day was filled with more activities and people than I could handle. I did manage to get my dad a gift and a card, but I didn't have the time and energy to spend much time with him alone.

He greatly resented my lack of attention to him, but he cannot understand my limitations, nor does he understand my fibromyalgia. His expectation of me was that I spend time with him since he drove over a thousand miles to visit. When I'm in a flare and trying to keep the pain from overwhelming me, I tend to become short-tempered and irritable. Demands for my attention can cause me to either retreat into sleep, or just ignore those around me by focusing on the computer screen, working on some creative project.