Trying to Understand how to Help a Friend with Fibromyalgia

Apr 24, 1998 - © Cynthia Webber (Jausten)

She knows that we have days when it hurts to even breathe, to be surrounded by insistent, demanding, unsympathetic people, who whine, complain, and criticize us. She also is aware that in spite of our pain, we are sometimes still expected to serve and love these people. She also tries to help by sending her friend all kinds of information, is learning to do Healing Touch in order to help her friend, but she also knows that her friend at times is in too much pain, too exhausted, and too angry to accept her loving care and understanding.

There are no answers or advice that I can give to her, except to continue to try to understand, and continue to accept and love her friend unconditionally. I also get very frustrated and angry with those who may be trying to help me by sending me information, telling me which books to read or how to manage my time and energy better.

When I feel that someone really is trying to understand what I go through in a day, I have learned to be more patient with them even when they seem to be trying to "fix" me. When someone can tell just by looking at my face, or the words that I speak or write across a screen, that I'm in pain or very fatigued, I then know that they truly understand and care for me. There have been times when my daughter has looked at my face and has told me to go lie down because I was "hitting the wall." I have been in chats online, and there have been times when another knows just from how I'm typing my words that I need to stop and rest.

Yet, when people continue to ask if I'm better now or suggest a new "cure" or treatment for me to try, I lose my patience. Also, when I'm not given my space to just be by myself and do what I want to do for myself alone, I feel that others don't really understand what I'm going through. I don't want to be constantly bombarded with the needs of others, and setting boundaries for myself has been difficult, but I'm now learning to do just that. When another tells me that they need to have some time alone or to rest, I accept it without feeling rejected.

I believe that this friend is

The copyright of the article Trying to Understand how to Help a Friend with Fibromyalgia in Fibromyalgia is owned by Cynthia Webber (Jausten). Permission to republish Trying to Understand how to Help a Friend with Fibromyalgia in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.

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