An Open Letter to My Family - Page 3
© Cynthia Webber (Jausten)
My Family's Reaction
My family reacted to this letter, which I left on the kitchen table one morning in March in their usual typical fashion of anger, resentment, and silent hurt. I had to be strong and not let their anger and silence draw me back into being the person who they want me to be. It was difficult to not pick up after them, but it was more difficult to feel the hurt within myself. A family is suppose to love each other and support one another in their inner growth, yet I did not feel supported by them so I did what I do best. I wrote to them.
I have been trapped in society's views of what a mother and wife are suppose to be, but living with a chronic condition makes this role very difficult to follow. I needed to be heard and understood, and although it will take time, the lines of communication have already opened for me. My boundaries are stronger, and thus I now feel free to give and receive love and understanding. This sounds like a paradox, yet when we have strong boundaries around ourselves we can actually let the true love, caring, and understanding in and also return it. Actions do speak louder than words, and by taking a firm stand of what I will and will not do, I have discovered that I actually have more control over my life.
Learning to say, "No" is not easy when we've been the one to always give of ourselves to others. However, once we begin to learn how to say it, it becomes easier to continue to do so when we start to feel that our lives are out of control. We need to learn to listen to our inner selves, and follow what our hearts are telling us to do. We can not change others, but we can change ourselves and how we react to what others say or do.
If we continue to beat ourselves up for not getting the support that we need, then we will continue to spend time whining and complaining about our lives and living with a chronic condition. A letter such as this is not for everyone to write to their families and friends, but I needed to do it for myself. I am the most important person in my life, and if I don't care for myself, how can I expect others to care about me? This is a question that I've been asking myself a lot lately, and the answer for me is simple. I take care of myself first, and when I do that, I find that I do have the time and energy to spend wonderful moments with those I love, care about, and understand.
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