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Dear Ann Landers

© Cynthia Webber (Jausten)

A recent letter to Ann Landers is now posted on my refrigerator. All you have to do is change the word, "arthritis" to "fibromyalgia" and the word, "disease" to "syndrome", and this letter tells our families and friends about us. The words in parentheses are my words.

Dear Ann: I am a 45-year-old (53-year-old) woman who has arthritis (fibromyalgia). Please print this list of "DOs and DON'Ts" for dealing with a person who has this disease (syndrome). Most folks don't have a clue. You would not believe the ignorance I have encountered.

DON'T tell me you know how I feel. No one knows how anyone else feels. Two people with the same disease (syndrome) may feel totally different. We all have varying thresholds of pain, and pain cannot be measured.

DON'T tell me about your great-aunt Gertrude and her arthritis (fibromyalgia), and how well she managed in spite of it. I am not Aunt Gertrude, and I am doing my best.

DON'T tell me, "It could be worse." Yes, it could be, but I don't need to be reminded.

DON'T decide what I am capable of doing. Arthritis (Fibromyalgia) doesn't affect the brain. (Arthritis doesn't cause brain fog, but fibromyalgia does.) Allow me to decide what activities I can participate in. There may be times I might make the wrong decision, and if I do, I'll know it soon enough.

DON'T be upset that you cannot ease my pain. It won't do any good for both of us to be miserable.

DON'T ask me how I feel unless you really want to know. You may hear a lot more than you are prepared to listen to.

DON'T assume because I did a certain activity yesterday that I can do it today. Arthritis (Fibromyalgia) is ever-changing.

DON'T tell me about the latest fad "cure". I want to be cured more than anything, and if there is a legitimate cure out there, my doctor will let me know.

DO learn everything you can about the disease (syndrome). The more you know, the better equipped you will be to know what to expect.

DO realize I am angry and frustrated with the disease (syndrome), not with you.

DO let me know you are available to help me when I ask. I'll be grateful.

DO offer me lots of hugs and encouragement.

DO understand why I cancel plans at the last minute. I never know from one day to the next how I will feel. Arthritis (Fibromyalgia) is like that.

The copyright of the article Dear Ann Landers in Fibromyalgia is owned by Cynthia Webber. Permission to republish Dear Ann Landers in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.