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A Walk through the 12 Steps: Step 5

© Cynthia Webber (Jausten)

Step 5 of any 12-Step program says that we are to admit to the God of our understanding, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. By viewing our stengths and weaknesses that we discovered while doing Step 4, we now share them with our Higher Power, whom we discovered in Step 3. Thus, we allow ourselves to be exactly who we are within this extremely important spiritual relationship. This has nothing to do with religion, which to me is the personal or institutionalized system of attitudes, beliefs and practices. We need to learn to avoid imposing our personal beliefs upon others, and respect other's belief systems. Many wars have been fought, and are still being fought, in the name of religion. This is not the purpose of the 12 Steps.

When we admit to ourselves the nature of our strengths and weaknesses, we learn to take responsibility. We avoid the justification of our behaviors and attitudes, don't blame others and don't excuse our wrongs. We need to also avoid dismissing our talents and invalidating our strong character assets. We simply tell ourselves, "This is who I am."

The thought of admitting our darkest secrets to someone else can be very frightening, because we fear our negative behaviors are worse than anyone else's in the entire world. It may be that others in our lives have convinced us that we are a horrible person, or we may have created this damaging illusion all by ourselves. However, having the courage to admit to another human being all of our strengths, weaknesses, accomplishments and failures helps to lead us towards personal freedom. This other person must be someone who understands the purpose of the 12 Steps, and who is willing to listen without judging or condemning. We need to share ourselves in depth, and keep an open mind to hear what this trusted person may offer in response. Our Higher Power can speak to us through others, but it is always without judgment or condemnation.

We need to pay attention to our limitations when we take Step 5 because these are the things that hold us back and interfere with our ability to live happier and healthier lives. By identifying "the exact nature of our wrongs," the motives or patterns behind these shortcomings can become clearer to us when we openly speak of them to a trusted person. Using the inventory that we wrote out in Step 4 helps us to actually see how easy it is to blame our fibromyalgia on our current behavior and attitudes towards others. The fear of wondering whether or not we will ever feel better physically can be hidden by our anger, isolation and controlling behaviors.

The copyright of the article A Walk through the 12 Steps: Step 5 in Fibromyalgia is owned by Cynthia Webber (Jausten). Permission to republish A Walk through the 12 Steps: Step 5 in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.