Holidays; The Gift of Listening

Preparing for the holidays used to be something that I enjoyed doing each year. Now it sometimes seems to be just added stress and work for me. I've learned to delegate chores to others, and I've learned to lower expectations of myself during December, but the expectations of others can still create more stress for me.

When circumstances change, it is important for the entire family to sit down and make a decision which will make the holidays seem special, but also won't add more stress to the family member who is living with a chronic condition.

Since people are more important than things, the holiday season is a good time to start putting into practice what this actually means.

I've been told by friends and strangers alike to get my family to do more around the house for me. It would be much more helpful if these people would just listen and understand that each family is different, and also that each person living with fibromyalgia has different energy levels at different times. Also, it is important to remember that each of us has choices of how we choose to live our lives. If I decide to spend a day shopping in a mall with a friend, it is my choice. The benefits for me are that I get to spend precious time with a special friend, get some shopping done, and have an enjoyable lunch with someone who is also living with a chronic condition. We may both be exhausted and tired after a day of shopping, but we pace ourselves, and listen when one of us says that we are tired. Then, we will either sit down or stop shopping completely.

Telling someone with fibromyalgia to get a cleaning service to clean their home before the holidays when money is already tight isn't helpful. Neither is telling them to make their children or spouses do all the cleaning. It can be more stressful to have to ask busy family members to do major cleaning than to just accept the fact that there is going to be dust and dirt around the house during the holidays. Likewise, telling someone to let others do the baking and cooking isn't helpful. Not all family members enjoy cooking, and although buying baked goods from a bakery is an option, the added expense may cause more stress within the family.

When it is the mother of a family who has fibromyalgia, it does create more work and stress for all family members. Yet, not all family members are willing or able to take on extra chores during the holiday season. Either the children are too young to help much, or they are busy with school and jobs of their own. Likewise, spouses have jobs outside the home which can leave them exhausted at the end of the day.

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