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One Man's Perspective on Living with Fibromyalgia

© Cynthia Webber (Jausten)

It has been shown that more women than men develop fibromyalgia, but whether it is because men have been conditioned by society not to complain about pain or fatigue, or whether most doctors just don't look at the fact that males also develop fibromyalgia, or whether it is true that more females than males actually do develop fibromyalgia is still unknown. Jim Roache's Fibromyalgia Page is filled with a vast amount of information for those searching for answers to a multitude of questions about fibromyalgia.

Jim offered to write about the male experience with fibromyalgia, and his thoughts and words not only tell his story, but they also are powerful words for all to read.

Ironically, I think my "ex" put it best when she said she no longer had any interest in continuing the relationship. Her words were, "You are no longer the man I fell in love with." That, in a nutshell, is what FMS steals from a man - his manhood or sense of self, to use a more politically correct term.

I could no longer work and command the level of income I had in the past. I could not make love on demand - the exertion leaves me exhausted and in extra pain for a week afterwards - and this finally conditioned me to subconsciously associate the activity with the negative consequences, and thus to have far less interest than I formally did.

I could no longer travel comfortably to exotic places for romantic getaways, and almost needed a stretcher to get me off a long flight. Not sleeping in my water bed left me racked with pain and on the verge of exhaustion for the duration of our time in "paradise."

Even simple things like having the energy to prepare a meal so my wife wouldn't have to cook at the end of her workday meant I was so exhausted that I couldn't pay attention to what she wanted to share about her day. If I didn't prepare the meal, I was considered callous because of the "What do you do at home all day?" issue. Before I retired on disability, going to restaurants every night avoided this problem, but it became impossible on the reduced income of my disability insurance.

My brain fog allowed my broker to take unfair advantage and strip us of my life savings. Some women, I discovered, quickly lose respect for a man who allows that to happen to him. It would never have happened pre-FMS, and it is an assault to one's self-esteem from which it is difficult to recover even if you don't have a spouse telling you what an idiot you are.