Boundaries & Online Relationships
© Cynthia Webber (Jausten)
My family has accepted the amount of time that I spend online to a certain degree, and it is mostly because they are aware that I'm actually working when I'm online. I rarely go into chat rooms, and although I did find them helpful for me when I first accepted my diagnosis, I discovered that there are just as many relationship problems online as offline. Even the e-mail list that I subscribe to has arguments and battles frequently, and although I've used IRC and ICQ to chat, it is extremely rare for me to enter into a chat with either one person or several anymore.
Newsgroups, such as the e-mail list that I subscribe to, and message boards are also areas where relationship problems occur and arguing and continual battles do take place. I don't know if it is the nature of our condition which causes these problems with communicating online, or whether it is because it is online communication and body language is missing. One study that is helpful in understanding the structure of newsgroups is The UCLA Center for the study of online community. With their research, they discovered that if there are boundaries and rules that each person follows, then the conflicts aren't as great.
What tends to happen in a chat about fibromyalgia, a message board, or a newsgroup that has its main focus for support and information is that some of the information is inaccurate, misleading, and confusing at times because there is no firm structure to the content discussed. There usually are rules listed on a web site, or in the case of private newsgroups which have been started by a group of people, the rules are set up and sent via email to new members. The problem seems to be that people don't read the rules or due to our fibromyalgia and foggy days, we forget. I suggest that if one is going to visit chat rooms, message boards, or subscribe to a newsgroup, that they periodically go over the rules to refresh their memories.
Fibromyalgia flares can and do occur by conflicts online, and the last thing that we need is a relationship that is causing our fibromyalgia to actually become worse. Another concern for online relationships is the fact that we may feel that our online friends understand us and support us better than our own families or friends who live near us. In some cases, this may be true, but having been online for almost two years now, I've come to realize that the support we get online isn't the same as what we can receive when communicating with someone face to face, or even on the phone.
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