What are little boys made of?

Especially when he was younger, my son was often mistaken for a little girl. I didn't usually correct people but when they asked "her" name (Noah) they usually figured out their mistake. What surprised me was how apologetic people were, how they rushed to explain their confusion.

It doesn't bother me that my son has "feminine" features - pretty eyes, delicate features and small for his age - although apparently many people think I should be bothered, as demonstrated by their quick and sincere apologies. Or perhaps it was upsetting them to be mistaken because it's important (to them) to know what gender a person is no matter how small said person is or how inconsequential gender is to him/her at that point in his/her young life.

Connected to this is how anxious people are to assign boy-traits to my boy child. He likes trucks and balls and is quick to bounce back from boo-boos and these, I'm told, are characteristics of little boys. He also likes to cook in his play kitchen and dance on his tippy-toes but these are interpreted as signs of his progressive upbringing. While I'm willing to cautiously agree that boys in generaly may be fundamentally different than girls in general, I certainly think we spend an inordinate amount of time proving it to ourselves. The result is that we designate certain attributes as male or female (a fascination with trucks for instance, or a want to take care of those we love) although these are likely universal. Even the most "liberated" among us seem to do this.

When I see my son's role already being created for him, I get an inkling of how difficult shielding him from others' expectations will be as he gets older. It may be fairly innocuous now, but the labeling will become more stringent and complicated as he grows. My challenge, I think, is protecting him even as he is exposed to it all. He has to function in this sexist world after all, but how much stronger he will be if he is able to name himself and his passions without the limitations of our prejudice.

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