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The Parenting Abyss


© Dawn Friedman

Nov 1, 1998


I paid a visit to the parenting abyss a couple of weeks ago. My 20-month old son was on his tenth day of a rotten cold that made his nights restless and his days difficult. The weather was cold and rainy so we were stuck inside and I was tired of lying around on the floor helping him push his cars around and around and around. We were both grouchy, both tired of our running battle to keep his nose wiped and we were both, quite frankly, a little sick of each other. He had been in a low-tantrum mode all morning and nothing that I said or did pleased him. His cold wouldn't let him nap although he was sorely in need of one and the long sleepless nights were getting to me, too.

Exasperated, I took him upstairs and began to strip the bed and sort the laundry. My son grumbled and whined at my feet but I tuned him out, caught up in my own bad mood. His whining became more insistent and I started that litany of phrases - "Let Mommy finish." "I'll hold you in a minute." "Just one more thing..." - that drive small children crazy. Frustrated, he bit me. I knelt down and looked him in the eye.

"You don't bite mommy!" I barked. Grinning, he reached up a little hand and slapped me. I was stunned, furious. I wanted to pick him up and shake him. I wanted to curl up in a bed and cry. I wanted to run away from this whole mommy-gig and get on a bus to Vegas.

"I'm so angry right now that I can't deal with you!" I raged. "I'm taking a time-out!" With that, I got up and left the room, slamming the door behind me.

My son and I sobbed on either side of that door for about one and a half minutes (an eternity for a toddler) while I stared into that parenting abyss and tried to drag myself back from the edge. As most parents know, that abyss is a frightening place to be. I felt like the worst mommy in the world. I forced myself to take several deep breaths and started to relax. Finally ready to face my life again, I opened the door to my tear-stained boy and picked him up for a long hug. "Nu-nu," he said solemnly. I nodded and took him to the rocking chair to nurse.

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Here's the follow-up discussion on this article: View all related messages
2.   Apr 27, 1999 9:00 AM
Lila--
I'm glad that the article helped remind you that even great mommies have bad days! Thanks very much for your comments!
Dawn ...

-- posted by DawnF
1.   Apr 13, 1999 6:27 PM
I really liked the Parent Abyss article. I find that there's a lot of cultural pressure to continually put a positive face on the experience of being a a mommy. As feminist moms we need to give oursel ...

-- posted by lhanft



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