Somehow, I always ended up in the middle. Someone would comment about Jews rejecting the cornerstone. To be redeemed you had to accept Jesus. The argument didn't make much sense to me. If God so loved the world, as Christianity preaches, why do men need human sacrifice? If I questioned their arguments, they became defiant, telling me that I was risking eternal damnation. This also made no sense. Why did God give me a brain, if not to use it? Moreover if God made a covenant at Sinai with his people, how can someone come along two thousand years later and suddenly negate it? You can see where the discussion went. I targeted by every Bible-Banger, but I knew the Bible better and found the arguments untenable.
I dreamt as a kid. Horrible dreams. Standing naked in deep snow in the mountains with a skimpy towel and bar of soap waiting to take showers. Women and children in one line; men in the other. All around stood tall trees covered with snow. A bitter wind blasted through the clearing of military-like barracks. My mother said I was a screamer, waking in the middle of the night howling. How can a small child relate a dream? The dreams made no sense to me, but recurred frequently.
A youth pastor stopped me abruptly after my brother's sudden death. Instantly I replied, "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be..." A harsh lecture followed regarding my bad attitude. I thought Jesus taught to comfort the widow and orphan, feed the hungry, clothe the poor and succor the failing; not condemn the grieving.
Yearning for enlightenment continued, growing inside me. Christianity seemed empty. The responses sounded hollow, shaped by a cookie press with a bit of jello in the middle, yet I had no access to anything else. I dreamt of Hanukah, of a strange language written in reverse with cryptic letters and of many other things, all feeding my hunger to learn more.
