Real men make really good fathers

It came to my attention recently that at least one of my male readers resents any implication that men are incompetent when it comes to babies.

This gentleman complained to “Expectant Fathers” that he’s tired of tiresome stereotypes about men as dads. Paraphrasing the general tone of the messages he’s gleaned from the media on the subject, he wrote: “You will be COMPLETELY inept at dealing with the MYSTERIOUS feminine going-on's of pregnancy and child-care. You'll have to learn everything from the ground up, since you played with footballs instead of dolls when you were children."

Evidently, my impassioned reader has had his fill of patronizing articles depicting men as less competent than women at child rearing. “I consider this type of article, one presenting men as oafish, bumbling, dumb-jocks who know nothing about the world of pregnancy and child-care, insulting to my intelligence,” he proclaimed.

I couldn’t agree more.

Which leaves me to wonder which of my articles he may have read that irked him so. To the best of my knowledge, I’ve always attempted to encourage full participation by fathers in every aspect of pregnancy, delivery and child rearing. Not only are we perfectly capable, we’re extremely important, in my opinion. And I’ve tried to convey that belief consistently. Evidently, I’ve failed to some extent.

Granted, I may have been guilty, upon occasion, of writing to certain men who are, in fact, a little baffled, at least initially, by the whole fatherhood thing. These men (and you know who you are) are a little uncertain at first. They may even hesitate to embrace the gory details of cleaning, feeding and caring for a newborn. Like it or not, these men do exist. My own father was one, as many men of his generation were, through no particular fault of their own. And some of my friends have been less than enthusiastic about plunging into Diaper Changing 101. Whether it’s socialization or personal distaste for handling bodily wastes, the fact remains that some men are a little squeamish. So are some women for that matter. I know from personal experience that we’ve all – men and women -- got a lot to learn when we take on the role of parent. It’s a learning curve, no matter how well prepared you are. And it’s a never-ending process.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I really knew very little about fatherhood and babies before my sons were born. Certainly, my wife knew more, if only because she’d been raised, as I had not, with a certain level of education in the arena of childcare. As medical professionals, I felt we did have a small advantage. We knew certain clinical facts about pregnancy, labor and delivery that non-medical professionals may not have been privy to, unless they undertook to study the subjects on their own.

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