Stroller etiquette 101

Being a new parent is wonderful. Your new baby is the cutest, most special, most important, smartest, most wonderful, most endlessly fascinating individual ever to occupy space on planet Earth. This is a given. You're a new dad; you love your new baby like nobody's business, and you're immensely proud of your accomplishment.

But there's something you need to remember. It's got to do with perspective. OK. Here's the deal: Your baby - I know this will be hard to believe and even harder to accept - is not the center of the known universe. Don't get me wrong. He or she is undoubtedly a cuddly bundle of unbridled joy, with a bright future and a promising career ahead of him or her as the next Michael Jordan or Flo Jo, or perhaps as President of the United States.

But the fact remains that your baby is only one of about six billion people on this planet. Special: yes. Center of the Universe: no. Which brings me to a pet peeve, and a word of caution.

Please don't throw out common sense and years of common courtesy training along with your infant's first dirty diaper. To be specific: Please, please, PLEASE don't be a Stroller Pig. You know what I mean. These are the people who seem to think they and their precious cargoes are the only humans that have any right to occupy a given space. And whatever space they're given, you can bet they'll hog it to the extreme inconvenience and detriment of everyone else around them.

At the zoo, they park up to two strollers at a time at the front of an exhibit window, then blithely ignore the hordes of other visitors struggling to get a glimpse at the antics of the juvenile chimpanzees, or the ring-tailed lemurs, or the reticulated pythons. We commoners crane our necks, stumble on wheels and strain to see through fringed awnings and past bottles, diapers, toys and binkies, all the while being ignored by the rude parent(s) who've decided to park front and center until it pleases them to move on. Never mind that junior is far too little to focus on the animals, let alone take an interest in the exhibit. And never mind that the juvenile chimps are better behaved and understand how to get along with their pees better than these self-important parents.

In the grocery, they take up an entire aisle with doublewides. On sidewalks, they block all pedestrian traffic and never bat an eyelash. And at movies, they're a fire hazard and a nuisance. It never occurs to these dolts to remove junior from the premises when he or she starts wailing. So what if 200 people paid $8 a piece to watch and HEAR the movie. Since junior is the center of the universe, surely we won't mind.

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