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Welcome new members

© Dale Kiefer

Not so long ago, we welcomed two new additions to our growing extended family. Like new inductees into an exclusive club - our family, and the family of man - they were, of course, greeted with fanfare and rejoicing.

Their arrival served to remind me of the excitement and pressure that comes with a new arrival. After your children begin to grow, it's easy to conveniently "forget" just how tiring and frustrating it can be to be the parent of a newborn. The sleepless nights, the unrelieved bouts of crying, the desperation for a return to normal habits and patterns of sleeping and eating, the nervousness over all you don't know and the worrying about all that might go wrong; all of these uncomfortable or even painful experiences fade to vague memories rather quickly.

Before you know it you see your infant riding a bicycle down the driveway, well on his way out of your circle of protection. No longer tiny, no longer fully dependent on you; he is no longer your baby. She is a little girl, on her way to becoming a young lady. He is a rough and tumble little boy anxious to become a young man. And it happens so quickly; you will wonder then where the tiny baby who used to spit-up on your newly dry cleaned suit has gone.

Another observation: New parents, and especially new dads, are reluctant to solicit, or accept advice on parenting from other parents or self-appointed experts. It's probably an extension of the "I-refuse-to ask-for-directions-on-the-grounds-that it-may- reflect-badly-on-my-manhood" syndrome. And that's OK.

We've each got to find our own parenting style. And there's some validity to your treasured illusion that you're really the "first" dad ever. In a way, you are. To your infant, at least. You're the first daddy he's ever had, and you'll always be the first and foremost male influence in his or her life. No one can take that away from you or your baby. So find your own way, and ignore those who claim to know what you're experiencing or will soon undergo. They can't possibly know how you really feel when you hold your tiny baby, can they? Well maybe not. But if you feel like sharing, drop by.