How’s your perspective?

A friend who is childless recently reminded me of something important. While having a baby is certainly one of the most exciting experiences of your life, and you will want to share every aspect of your pregnancy, delivery and new baby with others, there are some people for whom all the gory details become tiresome.

These folks aren't selfish, nor are they insensitive. Try to put yourself in their shoes for a moment. Let's say you are unable to have children, but have married the woman of your dreams and love the life you have created together. You have many interests and responsibilities, many problems and joys -- just like any other couple. You just don't happen to have children, for whatever reason. Perhaps you are unable, and you've accepted your fate, however reluctantly. Perhaps you've decided parenthood is not for you, for whatever reason. Perhaps it will be some day, but you're not ready yet. In any event, you feel like your life is valid and complete in spite of the lack of a dirty diaper smell in your house, or teething rings in you freezer.

Imagine your frustration, then, when you join a group focused, for example, on bible study, or reading books, or gambling on football games, but the focus quickly dissolves into a constant dialogue about babies and pregnancy. Fine for all the expecting or new parents. Great in fact. But fair to you? What about that book you were all supposed to read and discuss? What about the Lord's word? What about the future of the Bills? If your group - be it around the water cooler at work, or in a scheduled group meeting setting - loses it's intended focus and degenerates to a glorified Lamaze class, aren't you likely to feel a little excluded? Perhaps a little annoyed. After all you have interests too. Aren't they legitimate? Perhaps you politely smile and nod, and try to act interested. But you're quickly losing patience. You've made a conscious decision NOT to have children, so why can't others respect that and try being a little sensitive to YOUR feelings for a change?

The folks who are expecting or parenting new babies are only discussing what naturally occupies their every waking thought, you argue. What's wrong with that? Nothing. But who are they offending while doing it? Have they considered the feelings of the childless folks around them? Are the childless really likely to be enthralled by every single description of swelling feet and thickening body hair since pregnancy began? Are they likely to be sympathetic to complaints about lack of sleep? Will they gladly take up the slack for the new parent at work just because the new parent expects it and assumes that everyone is willing to share his or her burden? After all, the new baby is the center of everyone else's universe, too, isn't it? No. It is not.

Go To Page: 1 2