If you belong to the growing number of dual-career families, chances are you'll need to confront the thorny issue of choosing daycare, sooner or later.
Think of it as yet another challenge as you struggle to juggle career, new parenthood, marital relations, financial responsibilities and sanity. With the advent of the Family Medical Leave Act, things at least got a little easier for new parents. Expectant mothers can no longer be fired or replaced permanently, and are guaranteed a minimum amount of maternity leave. Similarly, many larger employers are allowing their male employees to take Paternity Leave, a benefit I highly recommend taking advantage of.
For a variety of reasons, it's almost guaranteed that you'll need to count on providing in-home, 24-hour-a-day care for your newborn for at least the first six weeks of his or her life. Many daycares do not accept infants under this age. It also gives the mother and child time to get accustomed to each other's routines and get to know one another before the mother is forced to rush off to the workplace again. Some women find this time of "bonding" magical, and, indeed, resolve to extend it at any cost.
Similarly, many men are finding that the first few months of their infants' lives provide an invaluable opportunity to spend quality time together. But inevitably, the dual career couple will eventually face a choice: Does one parent sacrifice career, with all that it represents, including much-needed income, outside adult contact, self-actualization and intellectual stimulation, or does baby go to daycare so that both parents may resume their careers?
The answer to that dilemma is one only you can answer. Some families have opted to allow the mother to abandon her job, and its added income, realizing that daycare is also an expensive proposition. Other couples have taken a less traditional, but no less valid route: dad abandons his job to become primary caregiver, so that mom can return to and continue nurturing her promising career. For some it's not a matter of money. They want a full-time parent to bring up baby, rather than well-paid "strangers."
Whatever you and your wife decide, understand that this is likely to be an emotional issue. New mothers tend to be emotional and may feel guilty about any decision that involves their newborns, regardless of the care and thought that goes into it. If she agrees that daycare is right for your family, she'll probably struggle with lingering doubts about her commitment to motherhood and second-guess herself. It's your job to reassure her. If you're brave enough to volunteer to be the primary caregiver, more power to you. You will be joining a small, but burgeoning army of 21st century dads who see their lives as defined by more than work. But make no mistake; caring for an infant IS work. That's why daycare is so expensive in the first place, and it's also why most daycare workers are woefully underpaid.
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