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Don’t forget to pitch in, dad

© Dale Kiefer

By Dale Kiefer

In your father's day (or more likely, his father's day) little more was required of a new dad than showing up and passing out cigars as soon as the baby had been safely delivered.

How things have changed.

Not only will you be booted out for lighting up that stogie in the hospital today; plenty more is expected of you now as a new father. For starters, you'll probably be expected not only to be present for the delivery, but also to act as labor coach. Before you qualify for this arguably superfluous position in the labor and delivery rooms you will, of course, be expected to sacrifice watching Monday night football (or, fill in the games of your choice) to attend "birthing classes" such as Lamaze.

This isn't necessarily as unappealing as having a root canal without anesthetic, but it's probably not most guys' idea of fun and adventure, either. Actually, it's not all that bad, once you realize that every other man there feels just as foolish as you (if not more so.) You'll find yourself thrown together with other couples in various stages of pregnancy who share your anxieties and outright fears. And it's always comforting to realize that your seemingly stupid questions aren't so stupid after all. And don't forget, misery loves company. So these classes do have their appeal. And you might actually learn a few useful things, like how to diaper your baby once he's born, or how to give her a bath.

Oh, yes; as a "new new dad" you'll almost surely be expected to pitch in and do your share of diapering and bathing. And why not? It's your child too, isn't it?

Whether or not the breathing mumbo jumbo actually works during labor is for brighter minds to determine. What I've found is this: No matter how determined a woman is to have entirely "natural" drug free childbirth, as soon as the huffing and puffing starts in earnest she'll inevitably beg for the most powerful drugs known to man. Don't be disappointed if this happens to you. And for heaven's sake, don't self-righteously try to talk her out of it. She'll resent it for the rest of your life, which may not actually be too long if she gets a hold of you.

Let's face it. Men don't have much of a leg to stand on when it comes to giving advice in the Labor & Delivery suite. After all, we don't have to squeeze a head the size of a basketball through our nether orifices. What do we really know about pain? If you truly need an answer to that question, feel free to ask any woman who's already been through labor. I guarantee she'll be more than happy to give you an earful on the subject.