Having a baby is one of the happiest and most most exciting times in anyone's life. From the earliest stages of planning--or not--to the moment you shop for that home pregnancy kit, to the moment it reads 'Yes!', through the trials of pregnancy and delivery, to the moment you first behold (then hold) your child, it's a wild roller coaster ride of excitement, anxiety, exhiliration, fear, joy and exhaustion.
The last thing any prospective parent wants to consider is the possibility of losing a baby before it is born. Unfortunately, spontaneous abortion, or miscarriage, is not at all uncommon. According to the parents' bible, "What to Expect When You're Expecting," many doctors believe that virtually every woman will experience at least one miscarriage during her reproductive life. By one estimate, about 10-percent of pregnancies do not go to term due to miscarriage. Many of these events simply go unnoticed, before a woman knows she has conceived.
When it happens after you're already shopping for baby booties, the loss can be devastating. For this reason, many couples elect not to announce their pregnancy until after the crucial first trimester has passed. There's some wisdom to this strategy. The less you invest emotionally in a pregnancy early on, the less pain you're likely to suffer if anything goes wrong. If, heaven forbid, your wife suffers a miscarriage, there's no getting around it: It will be emotionally painful.
You may find yourself grieving deeply, as well. It's only natural. Although you've not yet met your baby, you can't help thinking of it as your child. A loss is a loss; it's OK to grieve. But it may help to keep in mind that miscarriages are actually blessings in disguise. They're nature's way of correcting unfortunate mistakes. The fetus may have been damaged in utero--by toxins, maternal infection, radiation, or trauma. It may have improperly implanted, or simply be genetically defective. Nature rejects the damaged embryo and prepares to move on. Our job as parents is to grieve our loss, then move on as well. There's seldom any reason not to try again within a few months.
The cold reality is, life is a complex, remarkable miracle. When you consider it, it's a wonder that such a thing is possible at all. Two microscopic cells--from two different individuals--combine, divide, diversify, organize, and grow to create an entirely new, and incredibly complex individual.There are bound to be mistakes on occasion.
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