For Carol & Bonnie Kiefer
Mother's Day takes on new meaning for the first-time expectant father. It's no longer about the woman who gave birth to you, then nourished, cared for and loved you. Now it's also about the expectant mother of your own child. You're both in for a special time. If your little one is still on the way, you can be the first on the block to treat your wife to her first, very own Mother's Day card and/or gift.
But there's more to celebrating Mother's Day as an expectant couple than novelty. You just might find that you have a profound new appreciation for your own mother; it's one of the unexpected benefits of becoming a parent. As you greet your infant, nurture him, care for him, lose sleep over him, laugh with him, worry about him, pull your hair out over him, you'll begin to understand - in a way never before possible - the depth of your own parents' love for you. With new eyes you will see the sacrifices your parents endured to raise you. Intuitively you will understand just how deeply your mother loves you.
This is not to say that childless folks can't appreciate their parents, or aren't adequately grateful to them, or don't love them as deeply as you. Of course, parenthood is not a prerequisite for appreciating one's parents. But I think you'll find that it helps. You'll probably see a little more clearly how your parents suffered when you gave them cause to worry. You'll feel, in your gut, the wrenching pain they experienced alongside you when you were in pain. If they felt helpless to relieve that pain, you'll understand, finally, the anguish they endured. On a visceral level, you will know how difficult it was for your mother to leave you in the care of a baby-sitter for the first time, or how intensely proud she was of you the first time you took a step, said 'mama,' or, later, 'please' without prompting.
Mothers are special people, imbued with the ability to bring forth life and entrusted with the privilege and sacred duty to care for and nurture that life. Perhaps this year, as an expectant dad, you'll be inspired to remember your own mother and more closely examine the gifts she has given you, even as you celebrate your wife's pending motherhood.
If your mother gave you love and understanding, tell her. If she taught you skills, schooled you in manners, encouraged your curiosity, answered your endless questions, urged you to be better, consoled you when you were sad, or scolded you when you were bad; thank her. If she read to you before bed, or helped you with your homework; let her know it mattered. If she nagged you about your posture, your grammar, your grooming, you choices in clothes or friends, or the length of your hair; appreciate her. If she cheered you at games and meets, if she shuttled you to endless practices, lessons and rehearsals, thank her now - you probably didn't think to at the time. If she bought you comic books when you were sick, made special foods for no reason, cooked for entire platoons of family members on holidays, ironed your shirts, or wrote to you every day at summer camp, let her know you remember. If you're glad she'll be your child's grandmother, tell her why, and how much she means to you.
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