How Will Your Life Change?


© Dale Kiefer

by Dale Kiefer

How will your life change with the arrival of your newborn? Let me count the ways...

On second thought, forget about counting the ways. It's not feasible. There are just too many ways (big and small) in which your life is about to change to count. But here are a few that come to mind.

For starters, be prepared for changes in your friendships. Most parents of newborns discover, sooner or later, that their childless friends somehow fade out of the suddenly-limited social picture before too long. It's not that they don't like you any longer, they simply won't be able to relate to you as well anymore. After all, when you were a free and single young man, how much patience did you have with adults who baby-talked and walked around in public with snot and puke on their clothes? (and the college years don't count).

On the other hand, this means you're likely to strike up new friendships with other couples going through the same life-changing experiences as you. Your new friendships will evolve out of commiseration over how tired you are, how difficult it is to change 40 diapers a day, or what brand of unscented, hypoallergenic detergent you've switched to. Not exactly the exciting stuff of exotic new relationships, but a sound basis, nonetheless, for new friendships with those who share your joys and frustrations. Finding someone who intimately understands what you're going through becomes very attractive, and provides valuable reassurance and comfort. With any luck you'll find another couple whose baby has worse colic than yours: You'd be surprised how comforting it can be to learn that things could be worse, that six solid hours a day of uninterrupted inconsolable crying isn't so bad after all.

Another change will be noticeable in your bank account. From hospital and pediatrician bills to diapers, formula, toys, child care, and college, you're going to encounter expenses childless couples simply don't face. Raising a child is not cheap. But, on the other hand, you don't have to spend a mint on your child. All he really needs is nourishment, a warm dry place to sleep, and--most important of all--love, to survive and flourish.

Becoming a parent means beginning a bold exciting new chapter in your life, but, like it or not, it also inevitably means other chapters of your life as a carefree couple will end. For one thing, you'll no longer be carefree. Having a child dumps a load of responsibility squarely on your shoulders and it's a heavy, dire responsibility that never relents. You can-and definitely should-hire a sitter and grab some time for yourselves, preferably as soon as you feel comfortable after the delivery, but the fact is, you'll never really be free again of ultimate, final responsibility for the life of a little human being. Any grandparent can tell you that this doesn't change, even after the chicks have flown the nest. You will always worry about your children, no matter how old and responsible they become, or how well you prepare them for the harsh realities of life. Parenthood is a lifelong job, plain and simple.

     

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