I've never yet met anyone who liked being called 'trailing spouse' or 'corporate wife,' and I'm not surprised.
But being an expat spouse often seems to mean you are relegated to being a second class citizen, who is expected to behave like an employee even though you are technically a free agent. Yes you do need to uphold the reputation of your partner's employer, if only because that reputation reflects on your family, but developing your own life away from the company will give you, the individual, a chance to be yourself.
As you browse through the expat notice boards there seems to be an endless supply of spouses ready to complain about how little the company does for them in general and how it abandons them soon after the relocation.
Though the company does have some responsibility to look after both an employee and their family on an international assignment, there is much that a spouse can do for themselves to boost their social life and enjoyment at an international destination.
It can be easy to take the easy option when making friends and rely on the employed spouse to make introductions to the spouses of colleagues, turn to the expat wives club or other such groups. Though I didn't join the wives club myself, I know how easy it can be to take the closest option when it comes to making friends.
However, making the effort to expand your social life away from the immediate expat circle you belong to can start an upward and expanding spiral.
To start with look for expat groups that are outside your own immediate one. The main groups of expat that often seem to stick together are:
- Diplomats
- Businessmen
- International School teachers
- TEFL teachers
- Foreign spouses of local nationals
These groups do mix on occasions, usually at social clubs, sports clubs, bars, hotels and special interest groups. If you ask, your own embassy and the embassies of friendly countries that speak your language will often provide you with lists of clubs (and their contacts) where expats hangout.
In countries where expat spouses are not allowed to work, there can still be opportunities for to do so. Teaching conversational English is common and does not have to be to locals, expats of countries other than your own may want to learn your language (and you theirs).
Meeting local nationals can be more difficult, but is possible. At sports and social clubs not normally attended by expats you may find you receive a warm welcome if you attend. In many countries it is common to find that educators and successful businessmen and their families speak English, which relieves you of the problem of not knowing theirs.
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