The Siamese Twin: PART I: The Problem: Lost Identity

I'm going to start this out with an interesting, thought-provoking comparison: the "true you" versus your disorder. I use the concept of a Siamese Twin to illustrate this comparison because firstly, it's visual and secondly there are is one major similarity. Usually people with a chronic disorder such as epilepsy or any other disability live in a hazy confused image of themselves, usually giving more credence to the "disabled" side than the human side. Many don't even validate that there is a human side at all, which is a disability in itself, called "loss of self". There are so many uncertainties wrapped up with the disabled side of us and so many complications that we frequently get bound in medical red tape like a mummy. Sometimes we just become hopeless because many of our career goals go by wayside due to transportation boundaries or discrimination. Unless we live with someone or are in close contact with friends and family sometimes we're the last to know when we have "lost ourselves". Others that truly care about your welfare can be the second pair of eyes you might need. Also, don't overlook seeing a counselor if you think your psychological health just isn't what it should be; we can't usually give good advice to ourselves. We have to look at ourselves in a mirror that truly reflects back the person we are. Disability doesn't have personality or character no matter how much it dreams or desires to possess those qualities. It is the true you that has those treasures buried deep within your soul, imbedded so deeply a thief cannot even steal them from you. How invigorating the thought of something absolutely one hundred per cent constant that we're born with and will leave this earth with! In order to define that part of the Siamese Twin that is uniquely YOU, you'll have to do some self-examination and figure out what the true you is, or better yet WHO you really are. You must define yourself in very real, human terms. The only thing is, you must play by my rules. My rules are that you must exclude medical mumbo jumbo, prognosis, diagnosis, side effects and drab memories. I know these are tough rules but they are powerful ones. We are defining the person you were born to be and who you've gotten used to being, plain and simple. You'll find as you start creating your definition it'll be radically different from the lifestyle you're leading-which is good. To free your mind, pretend you don't fill pill vials full of anticonvulsants, you're not wearing a medical tag, nobody's ever asked you "what's wrong with you?", and that you can do anything you want any time you want. (Yes, I realize I'm asking you to go out on a limb here, but it's necessary to be able to get a firm grip on your identity-the identity you've probably denied yourself.) After allowing your mind to have a field day, adapt it to what is your reality in small ways. Don't ashcan something just because it requires transportation that you haven't figured out a foolproof solution for. Then again, don't say you want to fly a 747, be a fireman or drive a bus if you're having recurring seizures. Independence is priceless, but don't put your life or the lives of others at risk when your health stability just doesn't meet the demand of the position. Take it from me, it's always better to be a LIVE PERSON WITH A DREAM TO FOLLOW AND A FUTURE THAN BEING DEAD FROM TAKING UNNECESSARY CHANCES. (I was in a car accident back in 1993 due to a simple partial that progressed into a complex partial. I didn't witness my own accident but many others did, and they were all there to greet me when I came out of it! My license had just been reinstated, life was good, and I felt in control. I realized when I awoke, seeing the chain-link fence of a schoolyard fence in the mirror, that my simple partials were too frequent for me to ever drive, and that was that.) Remember the key is just do what you love. It doesn't matter what your chariot looks like that makes it possible for you to be productive and able.

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