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Guilt - Friend or Foe?

© Cheryl Lewis

I have a clipping of an old Crabby Road cartoon on my fridge. It says "Change is good as long as I don't have to do anything different" and in many ways that's me to the bone! For instance, first and foremost and always, I am a Mother. (Notice the capital M) I like a clean and orderly house, good food and knowing that I'm the best mother I can be to my children. Is it always like that in my world? Maybe in my fantasy world but certainly not in my real world.

When I was a stay at home mom I often felt guilt that I didn't earn a paycheck and that certain members of my family didn't believe I really "worked". Ha! That's laughable! Anyone who has ever taken care of four kids, a house, a dog, meals and everything that goes with being a SAHM, for even a week, knows it's at a minimum, a 40 hour a week job.

Now that I work a full time job I feel guilt over leaving my kids and having a house that is not in any way, picture perfect. I feel guilt that I'm squeezing in those 40 hours of SAHM duties in about 1/3 of the time. I feel guilt when I miss work because I'm sick or when my kids are sick. I know my boss depends on me to be there and take care of my responsibilities, but as I said, I'm a mom first.

I've often heard that guilt can be a good emotion. It can motivate us when we know something is not right, to make it right. I've found that while that is true, sometimes we have to take a break and do a reality check on this thing called guilt. Is it a guardian angel or a monster? Well, it's both. Examine that little monster and be brutally honest with yourself. If it's something you can change and honestly believe you should then you might want to listen. If it's something you cannot change, cannot help and must do for your own good or the good of your children, then file the guilt in a monster box and put it away.

The truth of the matter is that I've been so eaten up with guilt that I think I've lost a bit of the sight and the goal that I had when I started working. It was a becoming a very bitter pill that I seemed to be swallowing hourly. You know, I was turning into that darned bitter pill.

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