The Codependant

What is codependency? Is it when you allow another to become or remain addicted? Is it when you mold your lifestyle around the weakness of others?

Yes....No....Maybe.

Codependency is many of these things, yet, none of these things.

Many times we think of codependent persons as being weak, or unable to stand on their own. This is not true.

Usually, it's just the opposite. Many strong willed, solid minded individuals find themselves in codependent relationships because of their desire to control their surroundings.

Sound weird? Yeah, it did to me when they told me that in-group.

Yes. That's right. I am a codependent. My husband is an alcoholic, and I am his enabler.

Now, hold on, wait just a minute, before you go blind with anger and start to call me all the various names for idiot.

I am not blaming myself for my husband's problem. His drinking has absolutely nothing to do with me. And, brother, that hurts.

You see, when a person is codependent we want to think that we are in control of this, and ALL, situations in our lives.

If my husband drinks too much, or if my brother uses drugs, or if my wife eats too much, why it is my fault, because I should be able to control the situation. We think we are so strong, or powerful, or influential, that we can change the outcome of another person's habit.

We are not too weak. We try to be too strong. That's where we fail.

I thought that I could handle my husband's problem. I couldn't handle my own weight, but I could stop the drinking. Because, you see, I'm a can-do kind of gal. I have plans, and I have resources. I'm smart, damn it!

Well. Yes...and No.

I could be Einstein, and not stop an addiction. The power is not mine, and never has been.

We are at our weakest when we feel we are all powerful.

Sounds deep, yes? But it is also profoundly true.

My weight gain is mine. I own it. My husband's drinking is his own. He is the sole manager of that addiction.

The path to healing is tough, and we need support. We can't, however, depend on others to pull us through. We have only our self, and our Higher Power.

I am not trying to say that our family and friends are not important. Oh, yes, they are very, very important.

However, we must remember that we are the one who controls our future, and we are the only gatekeeper of our past. Only we know the pain and the anger, the disappointment and the fear, that have lead us to the place we live.

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