From my heart
but I am hoping and praying that I will be able to ignore it one day - I would do anything to have it be only a pesky thought in the back of my mind, instead of a controlling factor in my life.
Having an eating disorder makes me feel somewhat like a puppet on strings. Anorexia is the puppeteer moving me in all directions, making me flee when others get too close, keeping me silent so I can't speak; while I am attached to strings knowing that if I move around enough, I will be able to wriggle myself free. The problem is finding that courage within myself to do it. I know that I can because I have done it before.
*Poem I wrote a few years ago describing my experience with an eating disorder*
(E.) (D.)
If I had to describe it, it would be male. His eyes all firey red. With horrific images flashing about, negative thoughts running through my head. His voice is raspy but I can hear, as criticism as my reflection passes by a mirror. He whispers words to me throughout my day and tells me how I did so wrong. For it's his lullabye in which he lulls me to sleep, as food is the theme in his song. He is my protector, he is my killer, invisible to all who's around. He pushed me, he spits on me, and stomps me to the ground. He is there each time I turn the corner. He is there when I come and go. Hiding under the covers, stuck, this life is all that I know.
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